So, I’ve been missing in action for a bit and if I ask myself where I’ve been or what I’ve been upto — it’s a regular sort of reply in my head! I’ve been here and there, doing this and that, some nice things, some relatively unglamorous. But when you move and people from your ‘past life’ ask you how things are, I’ve recently realised that it’s very difficult to answer honestly. Like, dead honestly! The truth really is a glass half-full just about as it’s half-empty and maybe all the ‘count-your-blessing’-type conversations we’ve ever had, have originated from this very predicament; the need to see the half-full in the half-empty.
How am I? Let’s see…I love where I am geographically, Dorset’s pretty (a bit of an understatement–but I don’t want to appear delusional)! The people are kinder than anywhere I’ve been and we’ve been made to feel very at-home both in the community and at school. We really couldn’t have asked for much more! I live in a house that I’ve chosen, designed and decorated just the way I’d planned for years and I love it- I feel like I’m home every single time I come in and at 37, that’s comforting and I get to share it all with the people I love the most in the whole world! (There you go, that’s the depth of my zen-seeking mind! ;P)
As blissful and ‘ near perfect’ as the above scenario seems and I swear that it’s the whole and complete truth, there is also the feeling of the glass half-empty….the sense of being a square peg in a round hole that is this world! As I write this, I hear the churning and guzzling of the dishwasher, I have a cup of weak tea in front of me laced with what seems to have become a quiet kitchen obsession-vanilla paste and honey. I hope that it will stop the whirring in my mind and the incessant list-making I’ve taken to since we moved and especially this week as my husband leaves to Chicago soon for a bit and I’m holding fort alone. I look out into the darkness of night that’s playing out to the soundtrack of bush crickets and and am aware of the children asleep upstairs – one in the guest room because she’s in one of those moods that’s about every parent’s nightmare, leaving me with a lingering feeling of having been a bad mother and caused tears at bedtime. Of essentially being the antithesis of every motherhood commercial and parenting advice guide! I know I will remember tonight – sound memory and emotion are inextricably intertwined and great moments of introspection often happen while faced with the me I love, but also mourn! Life, in the best of circumstances, is hard and emotional resolutions lie at the heart of even the most commonplace circumstances.
A part of me questions why can’t we accept the glass half-empty conundrum, why do we need to quell it so…why are we always after that piece of cake, that online purchase, that absolute bone-marrow motivated ‘need’ to get over that slump of staring reality/disappointment/disillusionment squarely in the face? Like allowing ourselves to consider life disrobed from all it’s tinsel is in someway accepting the worst defeat, or potentially spiralling down into an abyss of no return. We aren’t perfect poeple and we clearly don’t inhabit a perfect world, so why should we be expected to exist in an unrealistic happy-bubble?
Oftentimes, I feel that so much of our self improvement is impeded by this incessant pursuit of happy-ness. We’ve created social ecosystems to cater to this need of lives awash with our curated bliss, and perhaps that is part of the truth, but definitely far from any absolute! Aren’t the biggest changes borne out of reaching rock-bottoms? of being thrust against the wall and finding the way back? Hasn’t ‘necessity’ always been the mother of invention? Where does personal growth, re-evalution and honest re-assessments have a chance without the ability to see the possibility of something better? Think relationships, think finance — the two most volatile aspects of life as we know it! The glass half empty is sometimes a leveller- a realist’s perspective, it’s a chance to acknowledge that real problem solving is hardly something that swathes itself in mindless positivity and hedonism. So much of our modern maladies stems from the fact that our generation lacks the grit that our forebearers had and I, being no social expert, see the hand of complacent pleasure seeking in it!
I’m all for positive thinking and acknowledge firsthand the power of the mind! (I think my Instagram feed is testimony to my being very easily pleased), but of late, I find myself uneasy at being perceived ungrateful despite all that I’m blessed with, for feeling that gnaw of human emptiness, an existential angst or imperfection, call it what you may. The same feeling of the glass half empty in the face of unequivocal success, when celebrities holding their awards in hand, say it hasn’t hit them yet, and it probably never will! That lovely state of just being at peace or accepting that there are no limitless highs is what I call reality, and it’s very welcome in my life!
If you’ve liked reading this, I’d also recommend : Retro-Chic and the Cult of Neo-Sobriety and On Nouveau Peasantry & Elitist Simplicity!
Lorraine says
That was a most honest and real depiction of a good life, my dear! I’m so glad you pick up on what society is life in our ever shifting world. I enjoyed your very intelligently written post a lot. I completely understand where you’re coming from and it’s evident on every single social platform; our inability to cope with anything other than bliss. Keep writing more, I love it. XO
Pinkoddy says
I imagine all the moving and stuff can be quite draining. A bit like Christmas – you expect it to be 110% fun
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Jen Walshaw says
Whoop you are back and you know what………… when did we all feel that we were entitled to be happy all the time. That is was our right to be happy. I think when we stop looking for it then life becomes much better. I am content, not happy all the time, but pretty content. So enjoy what you have, make the most of the little things and end the day with three positive things (well this is what I tell my boys)!
Keep writing
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Kate Thompson says
Brilliant post and I totally get where you are coming from. It’s not a question of having the “right” to feel anything other than blissfully happy, it just happens, just “is” and denying yourself or anyone else the right to express that reality is grossly unfair and restrictive. x
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Kanchan Char says
Thank you so much for getting what I was saying, life is fine, great even…and for all that I am grateful! There are always spaces that will never be filled, but that’s ok, sign of the times I suppose 🙂 Thank you for stopping by, L! XX
Kanchan Char says
I was a bit overwhelmed, Joy, but am alright now and enjoying life in Dorset very much :)xx
Kanchan Char says
Exactly Jen, that’s what I always say, contentment is key, but the more I see people shy away from any admittance of a less than perfect life, the more it gets me thinking we’re on a collision course. Sometimes it’s nice to sit down and evaluate the real things! Love your three positive things advice, that’s something that could never hurt! 🙂 x
Kanchan Char says
Thanks Kate, for getting what I was saying, I couldn’t agree with you more 🙂 XX
Charlotte says
Fab post. Completely agree with the sentiment… maybe so many people are unhappy because they feel that they should be super happy all the time when actually being just ‘ok’ or content is good enough most of the time
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Kanchan Char says
Exactly! I think a lot of our commercialism is driven by this-the absolute non acceptance of a bad day! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by Charlotte. xx
Globalmouse says
I definitely feel the pressure to be happy…I look around at everything and I am happy and should be for everything I have but it’s impossible to feel that way ALL of the tme.
Globalmouse recently posted…The Wild Guide to the South West of England – book review
Kanchan Char says
So completely true! I’m so grateful for all that I have, but despite that there are days I feel rubbish, and I can see my friends/colleagues look at me and think of ways to get me out of that mode of thinking! I find that crazy, that we’re not allowed a moment off our happy clouds and no, I shall not be shopping to get my mind off it 🙂
The Diary Of A Jewellery Lover says
I think we have lots of pressure on us as a woman, a mum, a wife, a co-worker, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Sometimes we need to take a step back and appreciate the little things in life and what we have at this moment in time. I am guilty of always looking to the future when I should be appreciating the moment.
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Mari says
It’s an ongoing process this continual sizing up and looking forward whereas maybe sometimes it’s good practise to just sit back and take it all in. Enjoy the moment for what it is.
I also think writing is so cathartic so keep that up!
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Kanchan Char says
Agree! So much easier said than done tho’, this living in the moment thing! 😉 x
My Family Ties says
Moving is often hard, we are planning a move overseas next year and while I am really looking forward to it, I am also dreading finding a whole new life too! Lovely to see your beautiful photos 🙂
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sonya cisco says
Great post, I think I have days where I am happy and content and appreciate the small things, days where I wonder how my life got reduced to this, and days where I am glowing with the joy of existence (tho that is mostly when drunk…) I don’t seek perfection, it sounds like bloody hard work to me, and I gave up on trying to be normal, cos it is boring! And welcome to Dorset from a fellow resident!
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Kanchan Char says
It is exhilarating as it is exhausting 🙂 It’s brought a lot to our lives and the way we view the world so I have only good thimgs to say, so wishing you the vert best for what lies ahead 🙂 x
Kanchan Char says
Ah, totally with you, Sonya! 🙂 And hope our paths cross sometime, loving Dorset muchly! xx
H.B says
Especially real and very worrying is the glossing over relationships and financial state people find themselves and yes, rock bottom is the most positive thing to happen to someone in dire need of change! Every addiction program has that as it’s fundamental, you cannot change till that pivotal point. You’re spot on honey, shopping and escapism is a way to not have to deal with rot that’s set in in more important places. So pleased to see that apart from the existential angst, life is great, yes? Sending you all my love.
Kanchan Char says
Thank you for getting that “spot on”, too!:) And yes, life is as good as I could’ve ever hoped for.You owe us a visit, Mrs.!
oana79 says
I think you have become wise in accepting the truth of what life really is. It will never be 100% but hey, as a mum who lost a little one, even 50% is good now and I try and see the best in every single day and each moment. Life will never be perfect but it sounds that you have ticked off most of the main elements: a family, a warm and comfortable home, a sense of belonging. Enjoy it all!xx
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Kanchan Char says
Oana, thank you for sharing that-I can’t even imagine the strength you must have to keep you smiling! More power to you and yes, the only way to make our 50% more than that is to live each day with gratitude and insight!
Laura says
I think it doesn’t matter how good your life might seem, there will always be times when you may not be completely happy. We all have our ‘bad’ days. Moving is also quite a stressful act and it’ll take time for everyone to get used to it.
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sustainablemum says
I think I am a live in the moment gal but then I haven’t just moved house. That is immensely absorbing, I am sure I would not be living in the moment if I was about to or had just moved. I hope given time you will be able to find your mojo again and position it exactly where you want it to be. Be gentle on yourself for now 🙂
Good to see you back tho’!
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Kanchan Char says
Thank you Laura, couldn’t agree more 🙂 x
Kanchan Char says
Lovely to hear from you @sustainablemum, good to be back 🙂 Thank you for your kind words, it’s nice to be back in the middle of it all, again! 🙂
Bek says
I agree, we are often told that we should be happy pretty much all of the time. I know some people that actually feel unhappy because of the expectation to be this happy for the majority of their time which is impossible and therefore, they feel like failures. What a strange world this has become!
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Kanchan Char says
Such a dangerous and unrealistic trend, isn’t it?! Thanks for stopping by, Bek! x
older mum in a muddle says
Great post. The subtext for me is that life can’t be black and white – that the only valued feeling is happiness. The rough patches, the lows, are very important too – you have to break down to break through! X
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Kanchan Char says
So true, isn’t it! And to foster a culture where blotting out the ‘real’ can only result in a disoriented perception of life and expectations. Thank you for stopping by, Sarah! 🙂 xx
Elisabeth says
Finally I found a quiet moment to leave you a little note! Fab post, as always, friend! I believe a lot of people, myself included, struggle with the grey tones of every day life. If you’re not constantly happy, excited or “stoked” (thank you, blogosphere, for enlarging my vocabulary!), you feel like you’re missing out. I firmly believe that we have the power to decide how we look at our challenges but there will be those grey or even black periods that we just have to work through, and where a positive attitude may be hard to find.
So lovely to read you again! xx
Kanchan Char says
Dear Elisabeth, it’s such a pleasure to hear from you! And thank you for enjoying my humble (often confused) outpourings! You got what I was trying to say spot-on…that I feel guilty, like I’m not altogether ok for feeling low/grim/empty even at times! Life is not a party 24/7 despite all the goodness we have in our life and wish people would stop expecting us to “snap out of it” with a piece of cake/retail therapy or a holiday…all of which I love, btw, but not as escapism. I hope you’re well 🙂 Coming over to check what you’ve been writing! xx
cupitonians says
I really needed to read this today. You have this thing with good timing! xx
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Kanchan Char says
So pleased to hear that, so pleased 🙂 I need to have a proper catch up with you one of these days.